Today was a day full of learning. I had my first exam in my Romanticism class, so on the way to school Corinne kindly quizzed me about the material. I had it all memorized and felt really prepared to take the test. One of my professors was at a meeting this morning, so we didn’t have that class, and I was able to work on some homework and review my Romanticism material a little more throughout the day before taking it during my last hour of class.
The tests here are set up such that we have 50 minutes to complete them. No extra time is given and the questions generally take at least 50 minutes to answer. We were given four essay prompts and were required to answer three of them for this particular test, so I started right away and wrote everything I could think of for each of the topics. I felt really rushed during the test, but I was pretty confident walking away from it.
As soon as I got home from class, I started studying for my other literature test, which is scheduled for tomorrow. I opened up my notebook to study and a terrible realization hit me. One of the questions on my Romanticism test was about the 17th century, and in my rush to write as much as possible I mixed up some information. I did in fact write everything we studied about the 17th century; however, because I was so focused on covering all the details I also mixed in some information from the 19th century. I knew exactly what I had done wrong and that my essay would be a little confusing to say the least. I was also really afraid that it would be a poor representation of what I knew. It was discouraging to know that I knew the material really well but was unable to have the time I needed to present it like I should have.
Let’s be honest...my initial reaction to this unpleasant realization was to have a minor breakdown. I knew it wasn’t the end of the world, but it was still disappointing, and I just couldn’t force myself past it. I ended up putting away all of my school stuff, taking a deep breath and praying about it. In my little conversation with God He showed me something incredible.
This semester is not about learning Spanish. It is not about getting A’s in my classes, and it is not about making the best friends I’ll ever have. This semester, and every period of my life, is about learning what God has for me. It’s about taking a step away from the patterns of the world, from distractions and temptations, and focusing on Him and His glorious will. He’s teaching me to seek Him and to walk humbly by His side, trusting and being a lamp for His light to shine through, and I love every minute of it. The trials and the hurts are all worth it in the end because He is faithful and He knows what He is doing. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get hurt or that I don’t fall down, but it does mean that He is my comfort and my strength. God isn’t asking me to be perfect; He’s just asking me to have faith.
God showed me that this little mistake, which seemed catastrophic to me at first, was a perfectly premeditated part of His plan. He used it to humble my spirit and to turn my eyes to Him instead of allowing me to be swallowed up by my mountainous to-do list. It was a good perspective check and an opportunity that He provided for me to re-focus and be refilled by His assurances.
The more I thought about the mistake on my test and God’s use of it, the more grateful I was that it happened. I know I will still have to talk to my professor and explain what happened, if for no other reason than to make sure he knows that I care about the class and know what I did wrong, but it’s not going to be the death of me. I thought at first that I would talk to someone about the format of the tests here, which seemed to be the root of the problem. If I had only had more time I wouldn’t have felt so rushed and therefore I could have organized my thoughts much better. In the end I think I’ll give it a few more tests and see how things go before trying to start a test formatting reform. Through this mistake God didn’t just teach me more about Himself and my journey with Him, I also learned once again the dangers of rushing instead of taking a minute to collect my thoughts and think things through, and I think that ultimately the format of the test had very little to do with my error.
Coming to, thinking about, and then discussing these realizations consumed most of my evening, but I did have to make time to study for my other test coming up tomorrow, and I got to take some time to spend with my prayer group, which was nice. We’re just getting to know each other, but I really enjoy sharing with the girls in my group, and I know that God is going to teach me great things through that experience as well. After prayer group, Corinne and I went with a few other girls to buy bus tickets to Cadiz for Saturday. We're going to try it again, this time knowing where the bus station is, and hope to spend the day visiting the city and going to the beach. It should be a great time, and I'm looking forward to finally getting to take some pictures with my own camera!
Studying kept Corinne and I up fairly late, but for some reason we both had a considerable amount of energy and were able to enjoy studying together during the wee hours of the night, and I went to bed feeling exhausted and happy to be following the world’s most incredible leader.
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