Tuesday, February 8

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't posted much for a few days. Its been a crazy week, and in order for this post to make sense, it would be best to back track to the 4th and catch up from there. I'm sorry my posting has been unreliable lately...by a crazy turn of events I have switched host families and no longer have access to internet at home. I'll still be able to get online pretty regularly, at e-cafes and at Haleigh's house, but my posting frequency will likely decrease significantly. I'm just trying to take things one step at a time, so we'll see what these changes mean for my blog. Regardless of what happens, I'll do my best to keep everyone as up-to-date as possible.

            I can definitely sum up the way I feel today in one word: overwhelmed. Yesterday's whirlwind of events left me exhausted today and I felt a lot of pressure to figure everything out. I know that's not expected of me ever, much less in the situation I'm in right now, but that pressure is a trap I've fallen into many times throughout my life. I found myself broken before God multiple times today. He is the only thing sustaining me, and He's doing an excellent job, of course.

            Praise Him for His never-ending supply of comfort, support, and love. I can't believe how blessed I am to be surrounded by such amazing people and to know that God is with me always. Everyone at LASP today was incredibly understanding and compassionate, and it was amazing to just feel loved and taken care of. My new host family has also been showering me with love, and I'm so happy to be living with them now.

            This morning after I woke up and got ready, my host mom and I ate breakfast together. She is so incredibly sweet, and I'm so looking forward to investing more in my relationship with her. When we finished eating, mami walked me down the driveway to meet Alison, another LASP student who lives in my neighborhood to walk down to the bus stop. Alison and I had to run to catch the bus, but the driver waited for us, so we got to LASP a few minutes early. On the bus ride my water bottle ever so loudly fell out of my backpack and broke, spilling water all over the floor. I hardly even noticed...I was preoccupied with trying to process all of the changes. I was also worried about the outline for my thesis paper, which was due this morning.

            Luckily I had finished most of it this weekend, but it still wasn't as high quality as I wanted, so I went to talk to Don Antonio about it. He was incredibly gracious and said I could have more time if I really wanted, but he thought it looked good enough for an outline. He took it to look over and said we could talk more later this week about it if we needed to. Don Antonio, like most of the staff at LASP wanted to know how my move went last night, and he asked for some more details about both of my host family situations.

            At lunch I had a small breakdown, and I was so grateful that Haleigh, Megan, and Rene were there to talk me through everything and to support me. Poor Rene, she keeps getting stuck in the same room as me when I'm falling apart. I made it though ICADS and a few of us took the walk back towards LASP really slow in order to give me some time to just process and talk through things a little bit. When we got to the bus stop for my new home, I was so blessed to see that a big group of girls waited at the stop for me in order to make sure I didn't have to ride the bus alone on my first night. How sweet of them!

            I prayed for God's strength as I walked from the bus stop to my new house. I was completely drained from today and from having stayed up late working on my outline last night. My host siblings greeted me with enthusiasm and my host mom and I sat down for some coffee and a snack when I got home. Their hospitality melted away all of the stress, and I had fun learning all of their favorite card games before looking at my homework for the night. I love being a part of such a happy and loving family, and knowing that they just want me to be happy helps a lot.

            The biggest reason I can think of for why I've been so overwhelmed is that I was just getting comfortable at my first host family's house. We had a good routine going, and I was getting used to balancing my relationships with them and my homework. I was also enjoying having such great internet access and being familiar with my surroundings. I knew where things were in our neighborhood and exactly how long it took to get to LASP etc.

            Well, I wasn't called to be comfortable, and now I'm starting all over. Again, I'm being thrown into the middle of strangers' lives and being asked to act like a comfortable part of the family. Only this time its different because I'm in the middle of a semester's worth of coursework instead of having a week of orientation to get to know them and settle in.

            I couldn't ask for a better family to be placed with for this difficult change. They've all been so friendly, welcoming, and understanding. I'm struggling because I want to invest as much as possible into getting to know them, but I can't let my school work go untouched. A new balance is actively being sought, and your prayers for energy, peace, and patience would be greatly appreciated.