Friday, February 11

Today was a tiring but great day. This morning at LASP we did an activity called our “Spiritual Journey.” We had all the chairs in our classroom set up in a big circle and we just went around and shared whatever was on our hearts. Some people shared their testimonies and others shared what God has been teaching us this semester. It was overwhelming to hear 40 stories of God's faithfulness and love, and I really enjoyed the activity a lot. I'm super grateful for the people God brought me here with, and I think he's really using this specific group of people to sharpen and shape each other in exactly the way He wants.

We had some really good discussions, and after lunch we headed over to ICADS. Haleigh and I stopped for Trits on the way to celebrate making it through this insane week, and Spanish class was really good. We had a quiz, which I think I did much better on than the one we took last week, praise God, and talked about the food in Costa Rica/USA.

My host mom and siblings picked me up from ICADS to go over to my host mom's parents house for the evening. Today was the 5 month anniversary of mami's brother's death, so the family was having a gathering to pray the rosary. It was a really nice service, and I enjoyed the evening a lot. I noticed how much easier its getting for me to not feel awkward but to just let things happen. Worrying about how I'm acting or what is coming next just makes life more stressful, and I'm able to be more genuine when I'm just living in the moment. We spent the whole evening with mami's family and their neighbors/friends, and everyone was exhausted by the time we got home at 10. No one could believe it when they saw me with my laptop while they were getting ready for bed. They thought I was studying...ha! I'm just as ready for bed as they are, so this is all for tonight. ¡Buenas noches!

Thursday, February 10

I am so exhausted and downtrodden that I've having a hard time thinking clearly today. I know that God had all of this in mind when He brought me here, and I can clearly see how things are working out for the best, but its hard to keep going forward. Praise God that tomorrow is Friday and that I'll have a couple of days off of classes soon.

Things with my new host family are going phenomenally well, and I'm so grateful to be living with them now. In fact, I'm a little sad that I didn't switch host families sooner, and I want to soak up all the time I have with them now. I can't believe its already been four days and that I only have a little over a week here before I go to Nicaragua. The trip to Nicaragua has a reputation for being exhausting, so I'm praying for some rejuvenation before that obstacle comes. However, I'm not focusing on that. Today is enough to get through, and I need to rely on God every moment. There literally is no other way for me to get through at this point.

I worked really hard today to just focus on the positive, looking at what God is doing and what He has done in my life so far. Its amazing to walk step by step with Him. This morning we went to an organic farm to talk about sustainable farming. I was really tired, but the guy who showed us around was super genuine and interesting, so I enjoyed the experience overall. He talked about how to rotate/plant crops so that they naturally support each others' growth. His wife also shared some amazing coffee and sweet bread with us before we left.

The buses took us right to ICADS after the farm, so we had some extra downtime in San Pedro (the part of San Jose where ICADS is located) before Spanish class. A group of us went to a grocery store to but a few things and then we ate lunch before class. My Spanish teacher this week (and next week...we're not switching again) is really sweet and I feel like I'm at least getting more comfortable with my Spanish. We have a paper due for Spanish tomorrow, and my teacher was nice enough to stay late to help me edit mine. We made a lot of corrections, but it was nice to look over it with her because she could explain what I did wrong and she said that she would incorporate some of the things I had trouble with into next week's lessons.

When I got home we all shared about our days and then I settled in to do some reading for LASP. My host siblings all started school today, so I got to hear a little bit about their schools. We were all pretty tired from our days and I wasn't exactly on top of my Spanish game, so our conversation wasn't as lively as it has been the last couple of nights. But at least it was in Spanish!! Its interesting to note differences between schools and the US and schools here, and I'm going to do a presentation about Costa Rican school system as my final project for ICADS next week.

Before dinner Kevin, Melany, and I played a few games of BINGO, and after we ate everyone pretty much got ready for bed. I finished up editing my Spanish paper and am barely prying my eyes open as I write this. I'm at a bit of a loss, but I know that God's in control. I don't need to worry, I only need to trust. I pray that God would strengthen me and that I would know His presence in every moment. I want His wisdom and His spirit to move in me, helping me serve Him in everything that I do. Most of all, I want to rely on Him and find all of my fulfillment in His grace, mercy, and love.

Wednesday, February 9

Today was another taxing day. This morning I went to Haleigh's house to use the internet in order to call my family, update my blog, and check my email. Of course, this morning was also the first time her host family's electricity went out. We decided to walk to a nearby e-cafe, and I was able to use the internet there, which was nice. It was kind of overwhelming to try dealing with keeping in touch in the midst of everything, and I was grateful to have Haleigh there with me.

After I finished at the e-cafe, we went back to Haleigh's house and had a mini-Bible study together. It was a great time of sharing and God showed me a lot of His grace through the time we spent together in prayer and in reading the Word. I was completely exhausted and weak and I just had to lay everything down at the foot of the cross and ask for more. More strength, more peace, more patience, more grace, more challenges. I want to be God's tool through every experience, but it was scary to ask Him to keep moving in my life. This morning all I wanted was a nap. I knew I couldn't take any more of what the world was giving me and I just wanted a break, but God truly showed Himself to me and asked me to let go and let Him carry and guide me through the day. He asked me to be faithful and to step up and lean on Him to get through each moment. What would I do without His grace and mercy?

When we finally made our way to LASP, we discovered that the doorbell there was broken, so we stood outside the gate for about 10 minutes calling for people to come let us in. Once we were in the courtyard, I realized that the tuna my host mom packed me had sort of escaped its container. My whole lunch bag wreaked of tuna. (I would have just thrown it away, but its a re-usable one that my host mom was definitely expecting me to return with) I tried to just take these most recent obstacles in stride, but it was difficult not to just fall apart. I had to take a couple of moments to just close my eyes and ask for strength before I could make the change from focusing on the obstacles to looking ahead and not worrying about everything going on. When I finally got settled in, we had a nice lunch with the other LASP students and then made our way over to ICADS.

I put my lunch bag on the floor during class so the tuna juice wouldn't get all over my stuff, and when I went to grab it during break it was absolutely covered in ants. It was so gross. Normally I probably would have just laughed and taken care of it, but after my last few days even something so seemingly small almost put me over the edge. Again, I needed a moment of prayer. I felt like shouting “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH ME, GOD?! CAN'T I JUST LEARN IT ALREADY?!” I'm still not sure what He wants me to learn, but seeking Him is the only thing I can do, and I know that He will use all of this for His good.

Haleigh's mom was in the neighborhood again, so she gave me a ride home from ICADS, which was a huge blessing. She knows about everything that's been going on on my end and it was really nice to talk to her for a little bit before going home. It was also really nice to be home a little early, and I had some Spanish homework that my host family helped me with. They truly have been a huge blessing to me, and I feel so loved at my new home. This morning and afternoon I was worried about how I was going to be able to invest in my host family enough while still getting my homework done, but they are so understanding and God totally worked out the timing tonight so that I was able to spend some quality time with them and finish what I needed to for tomorrow. My time at home this evening made me feel like an entirely new person with a completely different life. Some highlights from tonight include:

• I discovered that my host siblings really like Michael Jackson, so we had some good bonding moments while we compared our collections of MJ music.
• Talking about Costa Rican slang/sayings as a part of my Spanish home work
• Having a vocabulary competition with my host brothers (they quizzed me in Spanish and I quizzed them in English)
• Reading Cinderella in Spanish to Melany and having my host dad standing over my shoulder telling me how to pronounce words and what things meant
• Discovering the trick to not eating so much that I explode while I'm here. My host mom has been feeding me a ridiculous amount of food (I get the biggest portions at every meal, and she packed me enough for a full day for lunch plus a sandwich to eat at ICADS today), and this afternoon I was wondering about what the best way would be to tell her that I need to eat less. After eating all of the food she packed me this afternoon, I was greeted with a cafecito (snacks and coffee) when I got home. A couple of hours later I was called into the kitchen for dinner and I was wondering where I was going to find room to fit it all. Luckily, my host mom explained that I didn't have to eat dinner...usually when they have cafecitos they don't eat much, if anything, for dinner. She is so nice, and I'm glad I didn't have to offend her by refusing food (which is delicious, by the way).

Thanks again everyone for your prayers and encouragement! I'll keep you updated as much as possible!

Tuesday, February 8

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't posted much for a few days. Its been a crazy week, and in order for this post to make sense, it would be best to back track to the 4th and catch up from there. I'm sorry my posting has been unreliable lately...by a crazy turn of events I have switched host families and no longer have access to internet at home. I'll still be able to get online pretty regularly, at e-cafes and at Haleigh's house, but my posting frequency will likely decrease significantly. I'm just trying to take things one step at a time, so we'll see what these changes mean for my blog. Regardless of what happens, I'll do my best to keep everyone as up-to-date as possible.

            I can definitely sum up the way I feel today in one word: overwhelmed. Yesterday's whirlwind of events left me exhausted today and I felt a lot of pressure to figure everything out. I know that's not expected of me ever, much less in the situation I'm in right now, but that pressure is a trap I've fallen into many times throughout my life. I found myself broken before God multiple times today. He is the only thing sustaining me, and He's doing an excellent job, of course.

            Praise Him for His never-ending supply of comfort, support, and love. I can't believe how blessed I am to be surrounded by such amazing people and to know that God is with me always. Everyone at LASP today was incredibly understanding and compassionate, and it was amazing to just feel loved and taken care of. My new host family has also been showering me with love, and I'm so happy to be living with them now.

            This morning after I woke up and got ready, my host mom and I ate breakfast together. She is so incredibly sweet, and I'm so looking forward to investing more in my relationship with her. When we finished eating, mami walked me down the driveway to meet Alison, another LASP student who lives in my neighborhood to walk down to the bus stop. Alison and I had to run to catch the bus, but the driver waited for us, so we got to LASP a few minutes early. On the bus ride my water bottle ever so loudly fell out of my backpack and broke, spilling water all over the floor. I hardly even noticed...I was preoccupied with trying to process all of the changes. I was also worried about the outline for my thesis paper, which was due this morning.

            Luckily I had finished most of it this weekend, but it still wasn't as high quality as I wanted, so I went to talk to Don Antonio about it. He was incredibly gracious and said I could have more time if I really wanted, but he thought it looked good enough for an outline. He took it to look over and said we could talk more later this week about it if we needed to. Don Antonio, like most of the staff at LASP wanted to know how my move went last night, and he asked for some more details about both of my host family situations.

            At lunch I had a small breakdown, and I was so grateful that Haleigh, Megan, and Rene were there to talk me through everything and to support me. Poor Rene, she keeps getting stuck in the same room as me when I'm falling apart. I made it though ICADS and a few of us took the walk back towards LASP really slow in order to give me some time to just process and talk through things a little bit. When we got to the bus stop for my new home, I was so blessed to see that a big group of girls waited at the stop for me in order to make sure I didn't have to ride the bus alone on my first night. How sweet of them!

            I prayed for God's strength as I walked from the bus stop to my new house. I was completely drained from today and from having stayed up late working on my outline last night. My host siblings greeted me with enthusiasm and my host mom and I sat down for some coffee and a snack when I got home. Their hospitality melted away all of the stress, and I had fun learning all of their favorite card games before looking at my homework for the night. I love being a part of such a happy and loving family, and knowing that they just want me to be happy helps a lot.

            The biggest reason I can think of for why I've been so overwhelmed is that I was just getting comfortable at my first host family's house. We had a good routine going, and I was getting used to balancing my relationships with them and my homework. I was also enjoying having such great internet access and being familiar with my surroundings. I knew where things were in our neighborhood and exactly how long it took to get to LASP etc.

            Well, I wasn't called to be comfortable, and now I'm starting all over. Again, I'm being thrown into the middle of strangers' lives and being asked to act like a comfortable part of the family. Only this time its different because I'm in the middle of a semester's worth of coursework instead of having a week of orientation to get to know them and settle in.

            I couldn't ask for a better family to be placed with for this difficult change. They've all been so friendly, welcoming, and understanding. I'm struggling because I want to invest as much as possible into getting to know them, but I can't let my school work go untouched. A new balance is actively being sought, and your prayers for energy, peace, and patience would be greatly appreciated.

Monday, February 7

            This morning Monica came with me to LASP to talk to Trevor about some of the tension that has been present in my host family's house. Its not like its been awful or anything, its just that mamá had some concerns that she wanted Trevor to know about. After hearing from Monica, Trevor was feeling very unsettled about my living situation and asked me to think about switching host families. I was not very excited about this idea. I've had a pretty good experience with my family up until the end of last week, and I was willing to work though the situation. However, Trevor asked me to think about it this morning and talk to him before I left for ICADS.

            I had a scheduled meeting with Don Antonio to talk about the outline for my thesis paper, so I went to talk to him while I thought about the family situation. We talked about my paper a little bit and got to a place where I felt comfortable finishing the assignment on my own. Then, we got into a huge discussion about US interventions in the governments of small countries all over the world. It was really eye-opening and I feel like understanding the actions of our government is a vital part of being a US citizen and faithful follower of Christ. Without knowing what is going on, we cannot know how to stand up for what is right.

            By the time I finished with Don Antonio and returned to talk to Trevor, I had some time to process the possibility of having a new host family. I told him that I would hate to hurt my current hosts and I know that my host mom feels terrible and that I would be willing to ride the situation out. On the other hand, I would love to be with a more interactive family who actually spoke Spanish with me. Ultimately, I just wanted to do whatever was the right thing to do. He said that I would have the final say in the matter and that he would call my host mom to talk to her about the situation and then come to ICADS to give me an update this afternoon. I went outside to pray about the whole situation, and throughout Spanish class I could kind of tell that I was going to be moving tonight. So I wasn't surprised when I walked out of Spanish and saw Laura and Annie, two people who work at LASP, waiting to take me home, get me packed, and take me to a new host family.

            I was really worried about it being awkward to just barge in and move out, and it was, but Annie and Laura being there helped a lot. My new host family lives way up the hill from my old house. They are related to pretty much everyone who lives within walking distance, and their house is on the edge of town...it totally has a country feel to it. I am really liking it here so far, but I'm a little nervous about having to take the bus to/from LASP and about not having internet access anymore. Luckily, some other LASP students live nearby, so I can take the bus with them, and at least one of them has access to the internet at her house that I can use if I need to. Riding the bus and finding internet are obstacles that will be easily overcome, and I'm praising God for bringing me here.

            My new host family consists of “mami” and “papi” and their three children, Andrey (13), Kevin (10), and Melany (6). They have been super welcoming and fabulous. I've been beaten at Connect 4 roughly 50 times tonight, I've seen all of Melany's school work from the last year, and I've met two of the neighboring families. Dinner was delicious, and I had a really nice, friendly conversation with my new host mom while we did the dishes. No one in my new family speaks English, so I've already used more Spanish here than I did in a week at my old house. All around, its just a much better situation.

            I feel bad about leaving my old house, but it's just something that had to be done, and I'm confident that it was in every body's best interest. Because of the excitement of moving I've got lots of homework to catch up on, and I'm sure its going to be a VERY busy week. I can't wait to see what God is going to teach me now...He has been so good and faithful each and every day that I've been here, and I can't imagine doing any of this without Him by my side every step of the way.

Sunday, February 6

            Today my fears of becoming addicted to coffee were realized. It was the first morning since leaving the United States that I did not have a cup of coffee with my breakfast, and I could feel the lack of caffeine flowing through my body all morning/afternoon. This seriously impeded my ability to focus on my thesis paper outline (which is virtually a disaster), but luckily after church we had some coffee, so I was at least able to finish the outline, despite its shortcomings. I can't believe the wonders a cup of coffee did for my day, and I'm still going strong after one cup four hours ago.

            We didn't go to church until 4:00 this afternoon, so I was able to sleep in pretty late this morning, which was wonderful, and I devoted pretty much my whole day to writing my outline. Its been a long process, and I'm definitely in need of the meeting I have scheduled with Don Antonio tomorrow morning. Hopefully he'll have some direction for me.

            Church was pretty hard for me to understand today, but I had a copy of the readings again, so that was nice. If I understood correctly, the message was about being the salt and light of the world. The priest challenged members of the church to live lives that would change the world. He said that followers of Christ should be so different from the rest of the world that people should look at them and wonder what they have and how to get it. Despite the language barrier, I really like my host family's church, and I like going there with them each week.

            After church, mamá and I made pancakes, which were delicious, and I resumed work on my outline. I also had a chance to talk to my friend Emily, who participated in LASP last semester for a while. It was refreshing and encouraging to talk to her. Its amazing how God is using our experiences to challenge each other to grow closer to Him. I want to seek His face more and more and to know Him more fully with each moment that passes. Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement!

Saturday, February 5

            One thing that I can say has been constant throughout this crazy week is the joy that Christ has placed in my heart. I have been overcome by His grace and mercy on multiple occasions this week and I cannot believe how faithful He is to me. But then again, I can. He is so good. So amazing. I want to live to serve Him. My heart is consumed with love for Him. I pray that He will guide and protect me every day, and I live, move, and breathe knowing that He will. He's just that awesome.

            Today was a huge blessing, a perfectly balanced dosage of exactly what I needed. I slept in a few hours this morning and then had breakfast with mamá and Tony (Monica was at Italian class). After breakfast I had quite a bit of downtime to myself, so I spent a few hours calling people at home. Talking to them was wonderful, and before I knew it Monica was home and I was being called back into the kitchen for lunch. After lunch I went over to Haleigh's house to bake cookies for her host dad's birthday. It was a blast!

            As soon as I walked in the door I felt welcomed. The first thing her host mom said to me was “Our house is your house. Now you are home.” It would have been a whole lot more comfortable if I had been able to understand her the first two times she said it, but once she translated it into English for me I knew it was going to be a good afternoon. Of course, Haleigh's host family insisted that I eat lunch with them even though I ate just before I left, so I got to enjoy an extra dose of Costa Rican food today.

            We had some really yummy cake after lunch (it was Haleigh's host dad's birthday), and then we played a few games of Sequence, which was really fun. I was surprised as I started realizing how much I have missed playing games....its the simple things that I miss the most, I guess. When we tired of Sequence, Haleigh and I started baking. First we made some Oreo/chocolate dessert and then we made chocolate chip cookies. Both recipes turned out fabulously, and we ate so much of both snacks that we couldn't possibly have eaten dinner, which we just happened to get out of because her host parents went out for dinner.

            After making the desserts, we decided to plan our Spring Break trip. As soon as we signed online Haleigh's family Skyped us, so we talked to them for a while, and then we started researching zip line locations near Volcano Arenal. We found a really cool place to go with some pretty cheap hotels nearby, so that's our tentative plan. On Tuesday we're going to see what other students from LASP would like to come with us, and then we'll look into making reservations.

            Once our trip was pretty much figured out, we settled in to work on our thesis papers. You can imagine how productive the next hour or so was. I didn't want my host family to worry, so I took a taxi home around 9:00. I definitely count today as a success. I am so excited about our Spring Break trip, and after looking over my thesis material for a little bit this evening, I'm confident that I will get a good portion of work done on it tomorrow. Praise God for His unending blessings!